


Hopes and Dreams

by i_tried_studios



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Implied Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 12:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19273621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_tried_studios/pseuds/i_tried_studios





	1. Chapter 1

You groan as your eyes flutter open, you sit up and stretch feeling your muscles and joints popping. You glance around, wait how are you back at the bunker? You were at some crappy motel in Canon City last thing you remember. You hear something shifting to the side of you, when you turn you see Sam leaned back in a chair, asleep. You smile at his peaceful face and decide to find Dean, Cas, or Jack for answers so Sam can sleep. You pop out in the hall and go to the library finding Cas reading a book. His head pops up when he hears your soft feet padding on the ground.  
“Hey Cas, what happened? Last thing I remember I was at some motel in Canon City.” You ask your brow scrunching.  
“Ah well, you weren’t answering your phone so Sam got worried.” You bite your lip hiding a smile, “Sam and Dean went to find you and they said a djinn had you knocked out in your room. They rushed you back here and I healed you.”  
“Did they get the Djinn?” You remember going off on a hunt by yourself after you and Sam got in a fight. You had started closing in on the Djinn but you guess it found out you were coming for it and acted first.  
“They said they did,” Cas flips through the book seeming slightly off but you can’t put your finger on why, “why don’t you go talk to Sam he was very worried.”  
“He’s sleeping, I’ll talk to him later.” You ruffle his hair when you pass but he doesn’t do his usual eyeroll. You shrug it off as you head to the kitchen finding Dean there making pancakes.  
He glances up, “Good to see you up and about, kiddo.” You grab a cup of coffee and sit at the table. “How are you feeling?”  
Something about his voice seems off but you’re probably just imagining it, “I guess I’m fine, I really don’t remember much though.”  
He sets a plate of your favorite blueberry pancakes in front of you, “Well, lets not stress on that stuff.”  
“Since when do you make blueberry pancakes?” Sure Dean’s made pancakes but he never makes blueberry ones, he hates them.  
“Don’t get used to it.” he grumbles sitting across from you. Whatever, no reason in pushing your luck afterall.  
You finish up and peck a quick kiss on Dean’s cheek, “Thanks for the pancakes.” He smiles and nods over the newspapers he’s glancing through. You stick your stuff in the sink before going back to your room to change out of your dirty clothes. Just as you’re about to go into your room Sam leaves his hair a mess and his eyes not completely open yet. You didn’t leave on the best of terms and you don’t expect him to talk to you at all. “Hey Sam.” You blink surprised when he engulfs you in a hug.  
“I’m sorry, you-” his voice catches, “you almost died, its all my fault.”  
What? How was you getting caught by the Djinn his fault? “Wait Sam,” you take a breath and despite your brain protesting you push away from him, “it’s not your fault, I should be the one apologizing. I said a lot of really hurtful stuff then ran off. You and Dean saved me.”  
He looks pained, “No, it wasn’t your fault.”  
You sigh, “Sam this is why we started arguing remember?” You squeeze his arm, “You blame yourself too much and then you refuse to talk about it. Even when everyone else knows you aren’t okay you still refuse.”  
He nods, “I know, I’m sorry, I just. I just couldn’t handle that someone else died because of me, I kind of snapped.”  
You let out a laugh, “Kind of? Sam you took a three hour long shower then didn’t come out of your room for two days. Then when I tried to talk to you-” He laughs making you stop and smile, “So we’re good then?’  
“Yeah,” he leans a bit closer making you blush, “you know I was really scared we were going to lose you.” His eyes are so close now, his lips closer. You steal a glance down at them running your tongue over your lips. You look back up at his eyes to see they are staring at yours. You inch closer and he closes the gap. Your lips crash in a forceful kiss and you smile into it. You arms wrap around his neck and pull him closer. He walks you to the wall and slides his hands around your thighs picking you up. His lips leave yours and he starts pressing kisses to your throat. You gasp and place a hand over his heart stopping him. You press your forehead against his breathless.  
“Sam-” he smiles and you laugh lightly, “I’ve-” you take a shaky breath, “I’ve liked you for awhile but…”  
He puts a hand on your cheek, “Y/N don’t worry about it, I’m fine with taking it slow if that’s what you want.” You let out a breath of relief, “Um… But one thing?  
“Yeah?”  
He hesitates for a moment, “Can I still kiss you?” He says with a cocky smile, you laugh and nod. He presses a sweet kiss onto your lips making you melt. He sets you down, and wraps you in a tight hug “I’m just glad you’re okay.”  
“Yeah, but what exactly happened?” You ask.  
“That doesn’t matter.” What? Sam usually tells you, “It was pretty bad, I really don’t want to talk about it.”  
“Sam-” You squeeze his arm but he just shakes his head.  
“Fine, later maybe, I’m gonna change.” He lets you go with one last kiss making you smile. You enter your room closing the door behind you. You sink down against it burying your hands in your face and just taking a breath. You’ve liked Sam for so long, it's kind of overwhelming to have him like you back, especially since the boys are all acting weird. After giving yourself a minute you change and head back out to find Sam in the kitchen with his laptop and a cup of coffee. He turns when he hears you walk in, a smile spreading across his face. He wraps his arms around you waist and you plant a kiss on his forehead. “Hey where’s Jack?” You ask, “I told him I would show him how to make cookies when I got back and we weren’t fighting anymore.”  
Sam’s face scrunches in confusion, “Jack?”  
“Yeah,” you laugh, “you okay, you hit your head or something?”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
You groan, “Ya know, the son of Lucifer who hates his father.”  
“I’ve never met the son of Lucifer.” He seems concerned, “Are you okay?”  
“Seriously Sam?” Sure he’s pranked you before but he wouldn’t do something like this, “You almost died for the kid and you’re pretending you don’t remember him?”  
He places a hand on your forehead, “Are you coming down with something?” Suddenly you feel something run through, relaxing you. Wait, what were you talking about?  
“I’m sorry what were we talking about?” You smile sheepishly, “I spaced out.”  
“Well, I was trying to tell you I was thinking of quitting hunting.” You blink, not sure you heard him right.  
“Are you serious?” He nods and you squeal throwing your arms around him, “What made you decide?”  
He bites his lip, “Well, you did.” You feel your cheeks warm in surprise, “I love you Y/N, and after the Djinn, it made me realize that I don’t want to ever be doing anything that can put you in danger.”  
“Sam…” You feel tears prick your eyes, it’s the first time in months of dating he’s said that to you… Wait, you and Sam just got together like ten minutes ago. You press your hand to your forehead feeling a headache begin to form, “What the hell…” you mutter.  
“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Sam squeezes your arms and you shake it off smiling for him.  
“Nothing, just remembered something wrong.” You laugh trying to ease his concern, “But don’t you think it’s a bit early to say you love me if we’re taking it slow?”  
He blushes, “I mean, if you don’t feel that way yet I understand,” he looks worried at the thought, “it’s just, I’ve liked you since I first met you then I just kind of fell in love I guess?”  
You laugh, “Oh please you didn’t like me the first time we met.”  
He smiles, “Yeah I did, you were gorgeous.”  
You roll your eyes, “Oh please, the wolves had caught me and chopped off all my hair and I had a thousand cuts all over me, not to mention they turned me.”  
“That didn’t make you any less beautiful-”  
“Then once you guys got me untied and Cas healed me, and I got the cure, you yelled at me for being idiotic and trying to take on a whole pack of them by myself.”  
He laughs the blush creeping down his neck, “Yeah, I was pretty harsh.” He runs his hands through his hair nervously.  
“So if you were thinking of quitting hunting, what were you looking at then? On your laptop?” You ask trying to make him more comfortable.  
His blush only increases, “Houses… For us.” You bite your lip, you never really had a home. The bunker was the closest you ever got.  
“Really?” Tears spring into your eyes and he wipes them away.  
“Yeah, I remembered a year or two ago you got really sappy-“ you punch his arm making him smile, “and said you really wanted a house somewhere in the country where you could see the stars.” He shows you the screen, “I know the outside doesn’t look very good but the inside seems alright. Plus we can always remodel it especially since it’s cheap. I checked job listings in the town and they are actually looking for a mechanic which I could probably get. Also their medical care center is hiring and I know you tried to stop hunting for a while and got a degree in medicine.” He stops and bites his lip when he sees you staring at him. “I’m rambling. But… what do you think?”  
“I think you just messed up my plans of taking things slow.” He smiles widely at this and he pulls you to him kissing you passionately.  
A few weeks have passed and you and Sam are in Sterling Colorado trying to get a loan for the house Sam found.  
The bank manager closes his folder, “Well you two seem to have impeccable credit and surprisingly steady jobs for just moving to town.” Sam squeezes your hand, “But unfortunately we can’t give you the loan without a fallback if you can’t pay us back.”  
“Mr. Anderson,” you say with a fake smile, “my father collected and remade older cars, though I am not selling the one that he used. We sold one of the others for fifty thousand and we have a motorbike in impeccable condition.” Now that’s not true, you really just got the old cars from the bunkers garage. You already sold the gross green one that the boys and you all hated and Sam wanted to keep one of the bikes so you brought it with you.  
He nods, “Well I suppose we could have someone come to inspect the motorbike and we will determine if it is worth it.” He glances at the clock, “Ah I’m afraid that’s all the time I have.” He stands up and shakes both of your hands, “We’ll call you to have someone come out to see your bike soon.” You both thank him and leave letting out a big sigh of relief. You leave the building hand in hand and get into your dad’s old red Cherokee Jeep.  
“You got time for lunch before you have to head back?” You ask hopeful, the two of you have been busy with work lately and you understand why but you miss him.  
“Maybe something quick,” he pauses, “what about McDonalds?” You raise a brow surprised, Sam would never suggest McDonalds.  
“You okay?” You place a hand on his forehead but he’s not hot.  
“I mean you love their fries.” He shrugs.  
“Yeah, but what did you call it?” You think back, “Ah yes, McNasty’s.” You smile and he just shrugs with a laugh. “Sam seriously, you never want McDonalds.” you are growing concerned something’s up with him, “the first time I was with you guys and suggested it you went on a rant about how it’s killing more people than monsters do.”  
“I mean, I’m fine with it if you want it.”  
You roll your eyes, “Sam come on, what do you want?” He shrugs and you pull out, the two of you get McDonalds before you drop Sam back at the mechanic shop.  
That Sunday the two of you pack up all your stuff in the motel ready to move into your new house. “Dean and Cas are coming up in a couple days right?”  
Sam pokes his head out of the bathroom, “Yeah, they’re finishing up a hunt in Texas then they are headed here.” He goes back into the bathroom but asks you, “Want to go look at furniture later?  
You crack a smile, “You mean on ebay?”  
“Yeah.” he says with a laugh, “Or we could go to IKEA. One last credit card scam?” This makes you giggle.  
“Fine but only because we can’t afford it otherwise.” He walks out and plants a kiss on your lips making both of you smile.  
Later that day after you’ve taken everything to the house and cleaned it up you head to the nearest IKEA. The two of you browse room by room, getting everything you need for now. Eventually you make it to check out and Sam hands over his card, and you leave after ready to have your furniture delivered. Somehow they deliver all the furniture not long after. “What do you want to put together first?” Sam asks stepping over some furniture box.  
“Bed for sure.” he raises an eyebrow teasing you and you go to shove him only to have him grab your hands and kiss them. You smile as he hugs you close planting a kiss on top of your head. He pulls you into the bedroom and you start assembling the furniture. You manage to get the bed done and unwrap the mattress to put on it. You glance at the time and realize it’s almost nine, “What do you want for dinner?”  
“What about chinese?” Sam asks, you nod, “Alright, I’ll order can you get the sheets on?” You put them on and turn to see Sam leaning against the doorframe his eye dark and full of lust.  
“Hey.” you say quietly biting your lip.  
“Y/N, I-” He gulps as you approach and wrap your arms around his neck, “I’m having a hard time waiting.” He admits and you press a kiss to his lips receiving a hunger you’ve never felt in him.  
You smile into it until he pulls back for air, you stand on your tiptoes and next to his ear whisper, “Then don’t” He immediately picks you up leading you to the just made bed.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning you wake up in his tee you threw on when the Chinese food got to your house. You sigh and try to let his scent surround you but you can’t smell anything. You sit up and he’s gone a note next to the bed but you’re still alarmed. You pull the shirt up to your nose but still nothing. Something… something isn’t right. You look at the note it’s Sam saying he wasn’t tired so he finished the furniture. No way, you got a dresser, a couch, a couple tables, and a bunch of chairs no way he could have. You look around the bedroom realizing everything is put together and looks amazing, some of this stuff you can’t even remember looking at in Ikea. You quickly throw on clothes and look around the rest of the house. It’s all perfect, it shouldn’t be like this why is it like this? You heart starts beating faster, this isn’t possible. None of this could have happened! You remember all the times weird things have happened the past couple weeks. When did it start? Oh my god, right after the you went to hunt that Djinn like a month ago. Did it grant your wish? Or what was it Dean said to you when you texted him… They don’t grant wishes they… oh god you wish you payed more attention, you really just wanted to know how to kill it you should’ve paid better attention. A familiar feeling runs through you and you blink. What were you doing? You glance at your watch, oh crap you’re late for work! You rush out the door and hurry to the hospital.  
You get home after a long days work to find Sam making dinner. He smiles brightly when he sees you, “So I stopped by the jewelers on the way home and asked them how much longer they should have the ring done tomorrow.”  
Your brow scrunches in confusion, “The ring?”  
Sam rolls his eyes, “Very funny, Y/N. Your engagement ring.”  
You blink suddenly remembering, “Yeah sorry I don’t know where my head was.” He plants a kiss on your lips and you reply by teasing his waistband.  
He pulls back breathless, “Dean and Cas were planning on visiting tomorrow, they called just after I got home.”  
“Well that’s tomorrow…” you say with a cocky grin and he bites his lip turning off the stove and moving stuff to make sure your house doesn’t burn down. Then he pins you against the counter as you press kisses along his neck making him stifle a moan. You grin, moving your hands up to unbutton his shirt which he lets fall to the floor. You move your lips from his neck to his collar bone making him release a moan that makes you squirm.  
Sam lets out a short breath smiling, “What is your period making you horny?” This stops you dead in your tracks.  
“What?” You stare at him blankly.  
He looks concerned, “You’re on your period right? I’ve figured out your schedule, it helps to know what I should get for dinner and stuff.” You frown, “Y/N what is it?”  
You gulp, “I hadn’t really thought about it but I did miss my last period… I thought it might be from the stress of moving and redoing the house and all but….” you trail off, holy shit are you pregnant? “Can we?” You ask looking up at him and he just nods helping you back into your shirt, quickly rushing out of the house to the closest drug store. You get back home just as quick and you rush into the bathroom quickly doing the test. You head out after waiting anxiously. Sam takes your hand and smiles, “No matter what I’ve got you.” You take a breath some of your nerves settling. Suddenly the test changes and the two of you smile at that little pink cross. He picks you up and spins you around, making you laugh as you put your arms around his neck and press your forehead against his.  
The next day you and Sam both have the day off but you wake up early anyway. You’re in Sam’s arms and you slip out and into the kitchen. You make a cup of coffee and sit on the porch watching the sun come up. You’re surprised to see the impala pull up, Dean and Cas getting out immediately. Dean smiles coming up the steps wrapping you in a hug, Cas is next with a slightly shorter hug. “Y/N something is different.” Cas says his brow scrunching in confusion. “You’re pregnant?” He smiles, “You’re pregnant!”   
You stare blankly at him, “How did you?”  
He continues to grin Dean looking shocked, “Well I saw the new soul but it got a bit tangled with your at first so I didn’t realize.” You snort at this, “Also I can read minds.”  
You laugh, “I always forget about that.” You glance at Dean to still see him gawking, “Pick up your jaw Dean, it’s all over the floor.” His gawk turns to the biggest smile.  
“I’m going to have a niece or nephew!” He pulls you into a tight hug again making you laugh as you ruffle his hair. “How far along are you?”  
“I’m not sure, a bit over a month I think, Sam and I just found out last night actually.” You say, “I’m probably gonna have a friend at work check me out some time soon.”  
“There’s no need for that,” Cas answers, “I can check on the baby if you would like.”  
“You sure you’re okay with that, I mean you haven’t gotten your wings back completely yet have you?” You remember him falling how much shame and pain it caused him.  
“Y/N, what do you mean?” He and Dean both scrunch their brows in confusion.  
“Ya know, when Metatron forced you to fall? Then all the other angels were banished from heaven?” Why do they keep doing this? It’s not funny anymore, they’ve forgotten a ton of stuff. Sure they never really talked about emotions and stuff but they at least usually acknowledged that these had happened. Dean moves his lips silently almost like he’s praying, wait is he talking to Cas through prayer?  
“Yes, well I actually got my wings…” Cas pauses seeming unsure, “back recently, maybe we should go inside and I can take a look at the baby now?” You sigh and nod leading them inside. Sam comes out of the bedroom just then his hair ruffled but he smiles when he sees the three of you. You let him hug his brother and best friend before getting a quick kiss from you. “Here sit on the couch,” Cas points and you follow his directions, “alright this may feel strange but it should not be painful.” He rolls up his sleeves.  
“Wait Cas,” Sam’s voice is groggy and adorable but also laced with confusion, “what are you doing?”  
You smile sheepishly over your shoulder, “Cas may or may not have immediately figured out I’m pregnant and announced it in front of Dean.” Sam laughs and rubs the back of his head, “I know it’s early but he said he’d check on the development and everything.” He takes your hand from his place behind the couch. Cas then places his hands on your stomach a light glowing erupting out of them. You squeeze Sam’s hand a bit of pain rolling through you. You grit your teeth not willing to wimp out. Eventually the pain turns to soothing and he takes his hands away a second later.  
“From what I can tell everything is developing very well and there are no signs of any genetic disease being passed on.” Cas says happily and you squeeze his hand in thanks.   
“You want a boy or a girl? Dean asks both of you, you glance at Sam.  
“I’d like a girl, she’d be as beautiful as her mom”. Sam smiles, “though I don’t know if I could handle the added sass.”   
You crack a smile, “I have no clue what I want, I never really thought I would get out of hunting and I refused to bring a kid into that life.” You sigh, “I don’t know, it’s cheesy but I’d be happy with either.”   
Sam kisses the top of your forehead, “Don’t worry too much, we’ll find out later.” He glances up at Dean, “Breakfast?” Making him nod his head vigorously.  
“You three catch up,” You say getting up. “I’m going to make french toast.”  
“Y/N, I can do it.” Sam says trying to get you to sit back down.   
You blink in confusion before it suddenly clicks, “Oh hell no, Winchester.” You only ever called him that when he was in trouble, and its enough to get him agitated but he only looked confused at you calling him that, “No way are you treating me pregnant.” You snap anyway, “I am not some porcelain doll and you will not stop me from doing everyday shit, I can and will be working and I will be cooking and doing all the shit I normally do.” You smile sweetly, “Okay?” His eyes go wide and he nods looking a little scared. Good. You turn to Cas your anger gone, “You don’t want anything to eat right? I mean you told me before that it tastes like molecules and it isn’t pleasant.”   
“Yes, I’m fine thank you.” He says with a slight smile and you ruffle his hair on the way out, when you pass Dean you see him biting back a smile.  
“That goes for you too, Dean.” You say cooly making him swallow his laughter as you step into the small kitchen. You and Sam are planning on knocking down the wall between the dining room and the kitchen, but until that happens only one or two people can fit in here. You quickly get to work humming some Led Zepplin song Dean used to play while you flip the french toast. You eventually make enough for all of you to eat and you call them in. Dean comes in first ruffling your hair, which is pretty weird, he’s never done that before. He used to make fun of you for doing it to Cas as well. Oh well, you set the plates down and Sam grabs the syrup. “So what were you two hunting?”   
A teasing smile grows on Dean’s face, “What you miss hunting or something?”  
“I’m just not used to going so long without killing an evil son of a bitch alright.” You say as your face warms, “I mean it’s not like I don’t still have nightmares about all of it,” you admit poking at your French toast, “they still pop up, the people I couldn’t save,” you feel a tear pricking your eye, “the people I hurt, some of the things that scared me.” Sam takes your hand and squeezes it sympathetically. You laugh and let out a breath, “Sorry, don’t mind me, I’ll be okay.” You smile brightly but neither of the boys smile and move on like usual.  
“Y/N” Cas says gently, wait since when does he do the feelings speech? I mean he has become more human with his emotions but still it’s usually Sam and occasionally Dean, but never Cas. “We’re all here for you.” You squirm, they are acting weird. They almost never push when you try to move on from a topic and Cas certainly would never be the one to start it.   
You sigh and check the time on your phone, “Oh, I got to go to the grocery store, I don’t have everything for dinner and I don’t have pie stuff.” You lie getting up without touching your French toast, “Go ahead and eat I’ll be back in a bit.” You quickly kiss Sam’s cheek before going to change.   
When you go to grab your keys from the counter Dean stands up, “I’ll go with you, I can drive.”  
You spin the keys on your finger smiling, “No way, my town, I drive.” He shrugs alarming you, “Who are you and what have you done with Dean Winchester.” He looks confused and you roll your eyes leaving wih Dean trailing behind you, before you call over your shoulder “Sam why don’t you and Cas fix the sink in our bathroom?”  
He pokes his head out the dining room his hair still fluffy, “I was going to have him help me knock down the wall.”  
“Alright, just be careful, call me if you need anything.” You head out Dean on your heels as you climb into your Jeep. Coldplay starts playing from the speakers when you turn it on and surprisingly Dean doesn’t complain. “Okay seriously, Dean what’s up?”  
He looks confused, “What do you mean?”  
You begin listing, “First of all, not complaining about taking my car, second you aren’t insisting on driving, third of all, you aren’t complaining about Coldplay.”  
He runs his hand through his hair, “I dunno, guess I’m in a good mood.”  
You snort, “You are never in that good a mood.”  
“Haha.” He rolls his eyes.  
“Ya know… we never did a silver or holy water check.” You say glancing over to see his reaction.  
“Huh, guess you’re right.” He pulls out a knife and slices cleanly on his arm then pulls out a flask shaking it, ah Dean’s holy water flask. He takes a long drink and offers it to you, you just shake your head not really wanting one. Surprisingly he doesn’t insist and puts away tying up his arm. You don’t question it pulling into the grocery store parking lot. The two of you get out and head inside. He pushes the cart for you as you stroll around grabbing the last couple things you need. “Grab any snacks you want, also pick out a beer.” He pushes the cart a bit more rushed than before. He grabs your favorite chips, which he hates, and skips the beer, which is even weirder. “Dean?” He glances back at you a questioning smile obvious, “You don’t want beer?”  
“No, I’m trying to go off alcohol.” What? No way, Dean isn’t exactly an alcoholic but no way he’d ever stop drinking. Considering all he’s seen you can’t blame him. Something isn’t right, there is so much wrong with all of them. You don’t voice it though, you need to think this through more without them influencing you. You just smile and play along. Eventually you both leave and get home just in time to see Cas and Sam hauling plaster and bricks out of the house. Sam smiles when he sees you planting a kiss on your cheek taking your groceries before you swat him and take them back.  
“Hey Cas,” you smile as you pass him, “you didn’t tell me you got Dean off alcohol.”  
Cas squints his head tilted slightly, “I didn’t-“ he frowns, “perhaps you did something?”  
You chuckle, “I’ve tried before no way I did something.”  
“Perhaps, it’s not quite you…” he glances at your stomach and your hand automatically moves to it. Of course, the baby, family is most important to Dean of course he wouldn’t want to risk anything more than he has to if a new addition is coming. Maybe you could get Sam to stop drinking too. “Y/N!” You jump, Cas suddenly yelling at you, “Wake up! The j-“ Cas shakes his head and smiles, “Sorry what was I saying?”  
You stare at him, what just happened? “Cas are you-?”  
“Y/N I’m about to lose you!” He yells looking desperate, suddenly he gets yanked backwards before reappearing in front of you a eerily wide smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

“Sam!” You shriek, “Dean! Something is wrong with Cas!” Dean rushes to Cas checking on him and Sam pulls you into his arms protectively.  
Dean turns a moment later, “Y/N What are you talking about?” He looks concerned, “Cas is fine he said you suddenly seemed scared and wasn’t sure how to act.” Your lip trembles, what if you are just not remembering it right, what if there is something wrong with your mind?   
You take a breath and smile, “Sorry, I think I might just have too many layers on, I’m getting heat stroke or something.” Sam lead you inside and helps you sit down, this time you accept it. He feels your forehead and Dean tries to hand you a glass of water but you shake your head still wary of everything. You peel off your hoodie and sigh putting your face in your hands. What the hell is going on? You stand up and smile tiredly, “I’m going to just lie down for a while.” Sam tries to help you but you wave him off leaving the three of them in the living room. You stare up at the ceiling while laying on your bed just thinking through everything weird that’s happened recently.  
“Y/N!” You jump in surprise seeing some bloodied up guy with blond hair standing only a couple feet from you, “Y/N you’re in trouble-” he disappears into thin air like an angel teleporting. You blink, you know him, he seems so familiar you have to. When the hell did all this weird stuff start happening? You think back, concentrating hard to try to remember but your memories are muddled from the last few weeks. What had Cas been saying when he freaked out? Something with a j sound. Wait, hadn’t you been hunting a djinn? Wasn’t that your last hunt? A sharp pain is starting in your head, what the hell. You grunt from the pain forcing yourself to think. With Dean, he’s stopped drinking alcohol and didn’t he go out of his way to make you those pancakes? It’s not that he’s never gone out of his way to do something for you, it’s just he despises those pancakes. Not to mention he didn’t whine about you driving, your music, and he picked out your chips. Cas just has seemed more distant than usual, not to mention him having his wings seems just wrong? You are plenty happy nothing has happened to them, but it just seems wrong. And Sam, this hurts you more to think about. He’s been more touchy feely, and even his admitting feelings for you felt off. And when did the two of you even get engaged? It feels like something you would remember, especially with Sam. Come to think of it, you don’t remember when you both got together, or your first kiss, or your first time spending the night together. You take a breath trying to steady your mind, who was that boy? Jack. It pops into your head unannounced and a load of memories come flooding back with it. You gasp and fall to the floor reeling at everything you’d lost, learning about him from Cas, his birth, you and Sam taking care of him, helping him start to grasp his powers, how Dean changed towards him when Cas came back, the time he found you alone in your room crying and helped you feel better. How could you forget him, he’s like a baby brother to you, you love him and promised you’d always be there for him. How could you? Tears prick your eyes as you feel a tightness pulling in your chest, this isn’t right. None of this, you were hunting a Djinn, what do you know about them? Not much, that was your first time hunting them and you can’t remember much. You hear a knock on the door and look up to see Sam. You brush away your tears and smile, “What is it?”  
“Y/N, what’s wrong.” He tries to touch you to comfort you but you push him away.  
“This isn’t real,” your voice is strained and you can’t believe that you even managed to speak.  
“What do you-” Sam looks confused and devastated at your tears and tries to reach out to you but you scamper away.  
“Go AWAY!” You scream tears dripping off your chin. Tears begin pooling at the corners of his eyes causing your chest to tighten even more, “THIS ISN’T REAL GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Dean and Cas crash in and you backup your legs hitting the bed. You pull the knife out from under the pillow. Your nose is running and your eyes are blurry from tears, “THIS ISN’T REAL!”   
Cas checks on the defeated looking Sam, while Dean approaches cautiously his hands in front of him to show he has no weapon, “Y/N…” he says quietly like he doesn’t want to scare you, “Y/N, put down the knife, we will figure this out.”  
“NO! No, no, no…” Your voice quiets as you look at the scene before you, “this isn’t real, the Djinn it did something, I don’t know what but this isn’t real.” You’re short on breath and can barely see through the tears but you continue, “You’re all different.”  
Dean’s voice is soothing as he continues, “It’s okay,” he takes another step and you shudder, “people can change. We will figure this out.”  
You shake your head, “I can’t live a lie. I’m sorry.” You take a breath and prepare yourself for what you have to do. You turn the knife and place it above your heart, “I love you,” you look at Sam your chest aching, “I love all of you.” You glance at Cas and Dean before looking back at Sam who’s frozen his face heartbreaking.  
“WAIT!” You jump but the knife doesn’t slice yet, it’s Sam speaking, completely level headed and all emotion gone from his face. “Why don’t you want to stay here? Away from the pain? You can have anything you want, we can give you anything and everything. You can live a long life, safe, away from monsters and start a huge family just like you’ve wanted. Why would you give it up?”  
You shake your head, “It’s not real.”  
“So? It’s better than reality, just drop the knife and we can help you forget your pain help you to move on and be happy. We’ll have children, as many as you want, we will stay out of hunting. Cas and Dean will be free of it and if you want they could even get married.”   
You laugh sourly at this, “It’s not real, none of you are the same no matter how much I wish I could stay here. I really can’t.” Sam opens his mouth to speak again but you don’t give him the chance.


	4. Chapter 4

Your eyelids are heavy your whole body aching a headache throbbing. You are barely able to open your eyes to see a ton of blurry figures fighting. Three seem to be wearing plaid, one a long tan coat, the rest in random clothes all with sleeves of tattoos. One after another of the tattooed people go down but it seems to carry on forever. A moan escapes you as you try to move but your arms are locked in place as well as your ankles. Someone turns, taller than the rest with longish brown hair their face still blurry. They abandon the fight and run towards you making you struggle. As they approach they become clearer and you see Sam. Something warm runs down your face, no it’s not real. He isn’t real. He pulls something out of his pocket and reaches above your head metal clanking against metal. Suddenly one of your arms drops the other following a minute later.You collapse to the ground with your arms Sam barely catching you.  
“No-” warmth spilling out of your eyes, “it’s not real.” You sob, “You’re not real, this isn’t-.” Sam looks pained by your words and you see over his shoulder three other people approaching. Cas, Dean, and- you gasp, “Jack?” He nods and your body shakes all of your emotions becoming mixed as you make a strangled noise. “But you weren’t-” sobs wrack your chest, “this isn’t real.” Jack sits down next to you placing his hand gently on your forehead. All the pain floods out of your body and you let out a sigh of relief. You sit up slowly and look around, there are so many other people chained up like you were. Almost a dozen people lying all around on the floor dead, all with sleeves of tattoos.   
“Y/N-” Sam’s voice is strained his whole body tense. You glance at Dean and Cas behind him and see them looking as tense.  
“What happened?” You ask quietly.  
“A Djinn who was part of a pack kidnapped you,” Cas’s voice is strained and actually has some emotion, he seems more normal than before, “from what we can tell you’ve been here at least three days.”  
“What about the others?” You see so many people, some of them seem vaguely familiar, were you searching for them before?  
“Most of them are still alive,” Dean’s voice is low and he seems almost ashamed, “I’ll call an ambulance see if we can’t get some help for them.” He walks away and Cas follows seeming concerned, at least that’s normal. You see them talk quickly and Dean raises his hand to his face before pulling out his phone.   
“Let’s get them unchained.” You don’t know if this is real, it can’t be real, just another Djinn trick. More intricate, but on the tiny chance it is real, you want to get these people safe before you test it.   
Everyone is unchained by the time the ambulances and police get there and the five of you are long gone before that. Dean and Cas sit in the front seat of baby, you, Sam, and Jack squeezed in the back. Dean has Led Zepplin playing on low which is comforting mixed with the smells of baby. “How about some Coldplay?” You joke.  
Dean snorts, “No way, you may have almost died but that doesn’t mean we are listening to your new rock crap.” You laugh relief spreading throughout you, maybe this is reality. No, you can’t allow yourself that hope. Not until you test it. The rest of the car ride is painfully silent but at least they aren’t trying to cover up what happened. When you finally arrive at the motel you all get out but before they can lead you anywhere you stop them.  
“I have to prove to myself that this is real.” You stare at your shoes, you can’t bare to look at them and find out this too is fake. “Jack, Cas, incase this is real I’m going to need your help. It might take a lot of energy but I have to do this.” You look up at them and Jack nods looking solemn. Tears brim as you pull him into a tight hug, “Thank you, and I’m so sorry.” He looks confused at your apology but nods regardless. You walk to your room, leading Jack and Cas, with Sam and Dean trailing behind them. You grab one of the knives and take a deep breath, “If you don’t want to watch this I understand.” You address the other three and you see it dawn on their faces all at once.  
“Y/N, you don’t mean you’re going to-” Dean says his voice breaking.  
You nod, “If this is real then they can fix me, if not then I don’t want them to.”  
“We are staying,” Sam surprises you, his voice shaky and small but his eyes burning with determination.  
You place the knife over your heart, “I’m sorry for this.” You gulp and press the blade into you. You feel like electricity jolted through you, you have the vague feeling of falling and can faintly hear what seems to be people yelling. You’re choking on something coppery and warm before everything start fading. You glance down once to see blood covering your chest before warmth floods through you. You sit up a moment later coughing up some liquid. It’s real, you laugh hysterically completely overjoyed. You pull Jack and Cas into a hug planting a bloody kiss on both of their foreheads. You get up and lunge at Dean, tears of joy spill and you laugh squeezing him tight. Last you turn to Sam, the man you fell in love with slowly but never told. You grab his shirt collar and pull him down to your height pressing a kiss onto his lips not caring anymore. It’s different from the kisses the Djinn gave you, it’s warm and his lips aren’t perfect. They are a little dry and don’t fit with yours perfectly but it’s better. Its real. He pulls away too soon and you sigh knowing you’ll have to explain yourself now. “I have been in love with you for years,” you laugh shaking your head, “if you don’t feel the same that’s fine and I can deal with it but I’m done pretending.” Sam looks shocked before a smile spreads on his face, blood you must have spread still on his lips.  
“We’ll give you two a few minutes.” Dean says, you glance back to see him looking as surprised as Sam nodding at Jack and Cas, neither of which look shocked, for them to leave. They exit the room and you go to the sink rinsing out your mouth, you are done with the taste of blood.  
“Ya know,” you glance back at Sam, “fake you was better at kissing.” Sam snorts, “I’m sorry I kissed you without asking, I kind of lost my mind for a minute when the relief washed through me, I promise I won’t do it again unless you are okay with it.”  
“Did you mean it though?” He asks quietly looking almost shy when saying it.  
“Yeah,” you lean against the counter, “I realized a few years ago, wasn’t even a special day or anything. We were just watching some movies and you were laughing at some horrible joke Dean made and it just popped into my head. But seriously if you don’t no hard feelings, I would rather us be friends than you try to force yourself into something that you just don’t feel.”  
He takes a deep breath sitting at the table, “I care about you very deeply, not in the way I care about Dean, or Jack, or Cas.” He puts his head in his hands, “It’s more like I want to be with you all the time and when you aren’t around it kind of hurts?”  
“Hey,” he looks up at you seeming a bit frustrated that he can’t exactly put into words what he’s feeling, “if you can’t put it into words that’s okay. But before we act on that we need to talk about that argument we had.” You think back trying to remember what it was about but you and fake Sam had resolved it and you put it to the back of your mind.  
“Yeah, you were right…”  
You laugh, “Honestly I can’t really remember what we fought about, it was like a month and a half in there for me and I talked about it with fake you.”  
A blush is creeping down his neck and you have to bite back a smile, “You called me out on refusing to talk about anything. Then we started arguing about that and you said ‘This is why I hate getting involved with other hunters, they think feelings are weak and will do anything to make it easier to kill and forget those who died because of them.’”  
You wince, it’s coming back to you, “Sam I’m sorry, that was horrible of me to say, especially when you were hurting.” You take a breath, “I shouldn’t have pushed you to open up but I really care about you and seeing you that way hurt.” His eyes catch yours and you look away trying to keep the tears from brimming. You remember driving away from the bunker and having to stop less than a mile away because you were crying so hard. You hated fighting with Sam and you both said horrible things, but you just wish he’d open up to you or Dean or someone.  
“I’m sorry I told you to leave.” You look back at him, his face strained like he’s scared.  
“I’m sorry I told you that you were more trouble than you were worth.” Something hot slips down your face, and you rub your eye trying to hide it, “It hurt seeing you like that then when you snapped I tried to get you to feel the pain I felt, that really wasn’t okay.” He gets up and gathers you in his arms and both of you sigh with relief as you squeeze him back. “I know if we do get together we have to work on communication.” You bite your lip looking up at him, a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes. He places a hand on your cheek attempting to wipe away the still falling tears.  
“And I need to open up more.” He says in agreement, “But I think it could work.” A cocky grin spreading over his face. You laugh and shove him only to have him grab your hand and place a light kiss on it.   
“Can I kiss you?” You ask, your voice coming out softer and less confident than you were expecting.  
“Depends,” he says his voice growing cocky as he wraps his arms around your waist. His voice is low and husky in your ear as he continues, “would you rather be kissing fake me.” You laugh lightly remembering all the kisses you had with the fake Sam, you would trade every single one of those for the one you already had with the real one.  
“Fake you may have been better,” this seems to make him falter, “but he was inside my head and knew exactly what would make me go wild. You just have to discover that for yourself.” He raises an eyebrow and you smile as he presses a less than perfect kiss onto your lips. Your lips don’t quite fit, his lips are still chapped, your tears make it taste salty, and he’s pressing just a little too hard, not to mention he has to come up for air much sooner. But it’s real and nothing is better than that.


End file.
